The Great Escape
by gaaddict67
Summary: AU They had a blissful marriage, or so she thought...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own GA…

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She stood there staring as her husband kissed another woman. She knew it was sick. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't seem take her eyes off the scene. The more she stared the more she realized the truth. Slowly she turned away, tears welled in her eyes as she ran out of the hospital and into the cold rain. She couldn't get the image out of head, her husband's lips on another woman's. Someone that wasn't her. Thinking about it made it so real.

They were over.

It all seemed to make sense the late night meetings, the heavy workload, the business trips. It all fit together. How had she not noticed?

She stood in the rain for what felt like forever. She put her hand protectively over her stomach wishing she could go to Joe's and get drunk. She needed alcohol. Something to numb her, to stop the pain. She remembered when she first found out. That was why she had come to find him.

But now…it was over.

Her eyes were now red and swollen, tears burning her eyes. She walked to her car soaking wet as she just sat there. Sat there with her head in her hands as she sobbed. She needed to get out of here. She needed to go somewhere where he wasn't.

Home? No, he's go home eventually.

She couldn't think of one place that he would never look. She decided to check into a hotel room that night. She willed herself to move to start the car, and get as far from the hospital as humanly possible but she couldn't. All she could do was stare. Stare at the pictures of her with him together, happy. She couldn't believe it was over. Her body stiffened at the site of him. Even his pictures reminded her. After a while, she finally turned on the ignition as the radio came on.

_Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be cheating on you  
It's the wrong time  
She's pulling me through  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse_

As she listened to the song, tears fell from her face. She felt her heart being broken into a million little pieces. The pain was unbearable. Past regrets, mistakes flooded her brain as she hoped to find an explanation. Something that would make him less than a cheating bastard. But nothing could change the fact that she had witnessed him kissing another woman. That was unforgivable. No matter what his reason was, it could never change the fact that she had to feel this pain.

Slowly she started the car and drove aimlessly in the rain. Soon she pulled her car up to a familiar driveway. She parked her car and went into the building.

"Hey mom." she said sadly.

"Don't touch me! Can't you see I'm in surgery right now?! I don't have time for you!" the older women yelled.

She felt her heart being ripped into tinier pieces. No one seemed to want her. She need to go. Someplace where being her would be enough. Somewhere far away. Somewhere he wasn't. Somewhere that would help her forget. Forget about this pain and this hurt.

She returned to her car as she drove aimlessly getting farther and farther from Seattle. Her vision was blurred from the tears that welled. The rain pounded on the windshield hard. So hard that she didn't see the car ahead. In a split second, her car collided into the Ford mustang, hitting it hard. In that second, her whole life flashed before her eyes. In that moment, she saw her husband kissing Addison Montgomery, the ex-wife. But all she worried about was her unborn child. Slowly she put her hand on her stomach protectively.

After several seconds, everything went blank.

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A/N: Hope you like it! Please review! 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy

The first time she woke up, all she felt was numbness. She tried to move but she felt heavy and trapped. It was bright and her eyelids felt heavy drooping, making it almost impossible to see anything but the light. She tried to talk but no words came out of her mouth. She listened hearing soft murmurs making out words like 'fine' and 'baby'. Slowly she felt herself being swallowed by the darkness.

The second time she woke up, she felt the pain. She tried to move, her body feel heavy but she seemed to be moving slightly. She tried to talk but only resulted in grunts. Her eyes didn't feel as heavy as she opened them a little wider.

She found herself face to face with the man that she had only saw moments before losing consciousness. Her eyes welled with tears and all the feelings she had felt overwhelmed her. She remembered everything, from the kissing to the car accident.

"You're awake." The first thing he said to her. She looked into his eyes and saw that he had been crying. She tried to talk but all that came out of her mouth was a sort of squeaky sound.

"Don't try to talk. The doctor said you should rest.'' She heard him say. She tried to reply but only it only resulted in making more squeaky noises. After several squeaks and him trying to explain her medical condition, she realized that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't speak.

"When they were doing the blood test, they found out something…" He began to say. She was confused at first but realized what he was going to say. Her eyes widened with terror.

"Your pregnant. The baby is fine, but it'll be a while before you can go back to work." He said. Slowly she relaxed. Her baby was fine. Their baby. She seemed to realize where this was going. Now he knew that she was pregnant. No doubt, he was going to leave his mistress. He was Derek. But the problem was did she want to be with him anymore? After all, she did catch him kissing her. Was her marriage worth saving? Or was it already beyond repair? How could she ever be able to trust him again?

"Meredith, we're having a baby!" he said tears filling his eyes. He seemed so happy. How was she going to tell him that she caught him with his mistress? That she maybe wanted a divorce? How could she tell him that without hurting him? And then suddenly it occurred to her. Why did she care? He had been the one to hurt her first. If he hadn't cheated, they'd probably be happy right now. He was the one that had created this situation. He was the one that cheated on her. Why should she care how he felt? He didn't seem to care what she felt.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update! I've just been so busy with everything. I'll try to update faster from now on. Right now, I'm not sure where this fic is going so I'm open to suggestions. Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own McSteamy, McDreamy, or any of Grey's Anatomy...

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After several days of contemplating what to do, Meredith finally decided. They had to talk. They had to find out if this marriage was worth saving. Whether this baby was enough to save a marriage that had now been broken into a million little pieces. She needed to find out why, why he did what he did. She needed to know what drove him to find comfort in another woman's arms. She needed to talk to him. But first she had something else to do. 

Just as she got up, the hospitable door bursted open revealing an out of breath Derek. He ran to her helping her into bed again.

"What are you doing?" He asked glaring at her.

"I…I wanted to get water." She stuttered surprised to see him.

"You're not supposed to move. If you want anything, anything at all, you call the nurses."

"Derek, I'm fine. I can walk. I can get my own water. The nurses have better things to do."

"No. You are to get a nurse whenever you want to get out of bed. Do you understand me?" He insisted.

"Okay. But I want to get my own water." She said getting up to get the pitcher of water on the table.

"No, let me get that for you." He said quickly before grabbing the pitcher out of her hand and leading her back to the hospitable bed.

"I hate this! I am not some baby who is incapable to do anything! I can walk! I can get my own water! Stop treating me like a baby! When am I getting discharged anyway, Dr. Shepard?" She yelled glaring at him with such intensity it sacred him.

"Calm down, Meredith! This is not good for the baby…"

"You know what's not good for the baby? You!" She yelled.

"Okay…Okay…I'm wrong. Just calm down. You'll be discharged in a few days."

"No. You said I was going to be discharged either tomorrow or today."

"Well, I lied."

"Figures." She muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." She said quickly. She couldn't let him now she knew, at least not yet, it wasn't time yet. First she had to talk to someone. Suddenly Derek's pager sounded.

"You should go."

"I'll come back later to check on you." He said before giving her a quick kiss on her head. She put on a forced smile as he left. After making sure he had left she made sure that she was completely out of his vision as she stood up to get her cellphone. She punched a few numbers and pressed the green button. She heard a few rings signaling the call had went through before she heard someone pick up on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Mark?"

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A/N: Okay, I know, I know. You guys hate me right? I would hate me too. I'm sorry for not updating for months. I guess I kind of forgot about this fic. But I'll try to update more. This chapter was definately not my favorite chapter but it was just kind of a filler of sorts. Please review! It'll definately motivate me to update more! I leave you guys with one thought, wonder what Mark has to do with all of this??? 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

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"Meredith?"

"Is that why you left Addison?" She asked her voice quivering as tears filled her eyes.

"Mer, I wanted to tell you but…it was too hard. You seemed so happy. And Derek promised he'd end it."

"Well, he lied. It's what he does best." She laughed bitterly.

"Mer, I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Mark. I just…what did you do? What did you do when you found out? I mean before you left?"

"Mer, I was so confused. I didn't understand how this could happen. I, I thought that it was karma. You know, I cheated so I get cheated on. It just seemed so cruel. But I deserved it. You…you didn't deserve this Mer."

"You don't either. I can't…I…I don't know what to do. He doesn't know…He doesn't know that I know. I'm scared Mark. I…"

"It'll be okay. I'll be there. I'll be there, just…I'll be there whatever you decide."

"Mark, I'm just…I need…I just need someone."

"I'll be there."

"I'm pregnant, Mark."

"Whatever you decide, I promise you that you will not raise this baby alone. I'll help you. I'll be there when you need me."

"I think I'm going to leave him."

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_A/N: So this was a super short update. If anyone didn't catch it, Mark used to be with Addison until he realized that she was cheating. Mark knew and wanted to tell Meredith but he didn't want to hurt her. So yeah, now Mark is going to help Meredith whatever she decides...**PLEASE REVIEW!!**_


	5. Chapter AN

I was wondering, how many people actually want me to continue this fic? Just want to see how many readers still are with me...


	6. Chapter 5

Four days ago, she'd been happy, blissfully and obliviously happy. Now…now she was numb. Numb from the pain of knowing that her husband was cheating. Knowing what she had to do. She could feel the pain, but at the same time she couldn't. It was dull, weak, she'd gotten used to it. She knew it was there but she couldn't feel. She stared at the clock, 7:00PM. It had been exactly 24 hours. 24 hours since she found out. 24 hours was all it had taken for her to be accustomed to this pain. This dull, but burning sensation. It felt like she was dying on the inside. Her throat was dry and it hurt just to breath. The physical pain she could take. But the emotional pain, this pain overwhelmed her, so she blocked it out. She felt empty like someone had ripped apart to pieces, shredding it till there was nothing left. She could hear the steady beep of the monitor displaying her heart rhythm, slow and steady.

And then he came. And then her. They stood right in front of her room. He was whispering something, looking around, trying to be discreet. She seemed unhappy, her expression was one of hurt, of lost, despair. She touched his hand. He pulled away as she flinched at the rejection. She could see her face, her eyes welled as she saw a single tear form and fall. He looked at her with pity before he opened the door to her room. She knew what had happened. He'd ended it. With her. It was over.

He walked up to her door as he moved away from his mistress who was now tearing up. She lies down on the bed, closing her eyes as she felt the tears well. The monitor was beeping faster now.

She heard the door open and felt him sitting standing next to her. The monitor was beeping faster still.

He touched her cheek as she flinched unconsciously. The monitor was now beeping out of control, no longer steady. Her body wracked with tears. She could feel the tears streaming now.

"Meredith?" She heard him say, panicked. Her breathing was short and shallow as she gasped to breath. She couldn't breath. Her throat constricted, the oxygen no longer passing through. She grabbed his hand, squeezing as her eyes went wide.

"Code Blue! Code Blue!" Derek yelled into the intercom. He grabbed the paddles from the cart as the nurses and interns arrived. He put the gel and pushed the buttons. She could feel the electricity surging through her body. The monitor was still beeping uncontrollably.

"Charge to 300!" She heard him yell. He repeated the process this time the monitor slowed back to a slow and steady pace. She could feel her throat loosen up and the oxygen flowing. She could feel his head on her body, her shirt soaking up his tears.

She laid there for a while, both of them sitting there in silence, his head on her body as she laid there. And then she broke the silence, her voice was soft, raspy, but it was clear through the silence.

"I know."

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**A/N: Wow, I didn't know so many people were reading this fic. You can imagine my surprise when I had 20 reviews. Thank you all for still staying with me! As for this update, Meredith has just got done talking to Mark and is still learning how to deal with the pain. It's only been 24 hours since all this happened, poor girl...So she's decided to leave Derek, or so she says. She is finally starting to confront Derek about his affair. Most of this update was really to show that Derek still does care about Meredith, just because he was having an affair doesn't mean he doesn't care. Note the word was, yes, Derek has finally ended his affair with Addison. I'm not sure if I should keep Addison around but for all you Mark fans out there, he's definitely making a reappearance sometime...This fic took me a while to write, couldn't get it right. Hope I didn't disappoint anyone. Oh and _PLEASE REVIEW!!!!_**


	7. Chapter 6

"No..." Derek whispered in disbelief as he shook his head, pulling away from her slightly.

She nodded, the tears welled. She brought her hand up, wiping a stray tear that had fallen.

"It's not…" Derek began.

"Yesterday. Before the crash. I…I went to find you. You were there. With…her." She choked out. The pain of having to relive the nightmare was almost unbearable.

"I…" He had nothing to say. She looked at him for an explanation except he didn't have one. Not one decent explanation on why he had done what he had done.

"How could you…to Mark? To me?" She asked staring at him. He looked up into her eyes. She could see the pain in them, the guilt. This was not a man she knew. This was not the man she married.

"Mark did the same to me!" Derek snapped.

"Yes, he did. But how could you have done the same to him, knowing how it felt. How could you have done it?" She asked.

"Karma's a bitch." Derek said his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes welled with tears.

"Revenge? This was revenge? Then what about me? Your wife?" She finally asked. She feared what he might say, bracing herself for the worst.

"Meredith, you never saw it. But you and I, after Addison, I…You didn't say it but I know. You never forgave me for choosing her over you. I…It's like you have this wall that you put up. And I just…I can't get in. So I…gave up trying. Addison…she was there and it started. Our marriage, it was over before it started. But now…this baby…it could change us. We have another chance. Another go. Just…please let me in." He begged. He was looking into her eyes. His eyes hollow, he was worn out. He looked frayed like he'd been suffering for too long. No longer was the loving man. But although there was pain and guilt in his eyes, she saw a small glimmer of hope, of a new life, of a new beginning, of a better.

"You gave up." She repeated, whispering softly.

"But we can try…again. For the baby." He said.

"I don't…I don't want you to try for the baby."

"Mer…" He begged.

"I want you to try for me." She explained.

He sat there staring, hesitating, contemplating.

"I can try." He said.

"You hesitated. You...hesitated…"

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"Hello?"

"Mark?"

"Mer?"

"It's over."

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_A/N: Okay, another short update. Sorry for the length of the updates guys, it's just that I don't really know how much I'm going to write until I write it and believe it or not, I don't have a exactly concrete plan of how this fic is going to go. This update didn't turn out as I hoped. It is...well...crappy, in my opinion. I didn't like it at all. I kept trying to rewrite it but it still came out all wrong. But I guess it kind of communicates what I was trying to get across which was that Meredith never fully forgave Derek for Addison and because of that it put strain on their marriage, and that's why Derek cheated. I'm not saying that that justifies what he did but I guess you can kind of see where he's coming from? And so it's well...in the words of Meredith Grey, "Over, so over". Although Mark made only a small cameo in this update, he'll play a larger role later. And guys, **PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**_


	8. Chapter 7

**Warning: This contains some foul language and a bit of sexual references.**

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He sat there, head in his hands as he cried. Rain seeped threw his hair into his scalp and goosebumps formed underneath the paper-thin scrub outfit he was wearing but he didn't care. He'd let go. It had been so much harder than he had expected. His mind was reeling with the what if's as he played their relationship over and over again in his mind. It had been his fault. All of this. Everything. All because he had decided to be the better guy, decided to be a decent guy for once. He'd stayed with his wife, hoping to repair a marriage that was already broken beyond repair and in the process unintentionally destroying a future one. One with Meredith and her lavender-scented conditioner. Her snoring, her giggle, the crinkle in her nose, his unborn child. He'd lost it all.

He could hear the distant footsteps of someone coming, running. He didn't have to look to know who it was. But he didn't want to talk right now. He didn't want anyone right now. All he wanted to do was sit, sit and think of all he has done, the mess that he has created. He thought maybe by not acknowledging her presence she's go away, but she was definitely not getting the message. He could feel the warmth of her body as she sat down beside him on the bench. The rain had ceased to fall on him, blocked by what he could only guess was a very fashionable and expensive umbrella.

That was the thing about Addison. She always found a way to make the cheapest things expensive. Toilet paper that were ten dollars a roll, shoes that cost a thousand dollars, a pair of big, ugly sunglasses for eight hundred dollars. She spent way too much and got way too little. She never got her money's worth and was always 'fashionably late'. He hated her. Despised her. And yet once upon a time, he'd loved her. But right now sitting right beside her in the cold rain, reminiscing his life with Meredith, he couldn't help but hate her.

Meredith was nothing like Addison. She didn't care if he spent only five dollars on her Christmas gift because she'd always believed that it was the thought that counted the most. She didn't care if her hair wasn't perfect or that her make-up was botched because she'd be in the hospital most of the time anyway. She rarely went on shopping sprees and when she did, she spent very little. She always thought everything was too expensive and usually came home empty handed after a trip to the mall. She loved to go fly fishing with him even though she wasn't the greatest fisher. She loved walks on his land, just walking and holding each others hand as they listened to nature. Addison could never compare to Meredith. Meredith was in a whole other league.

He could feel her breath stop and he knew she was going to say something, but he didn't want to hear her voice. He put his hand up while keeping his face in his other hand signaling her not to talk, but she had never been good with instructions and he honestly didn't know why he had even tried.

"Derek…" She sighed. Her voice sounded high-pitched and shrieky to him, like a tone-deaf singer singing. He winced at her voice. He missed Meredith's voice. The sweet, soft sound that she made as she pronounced each syllable of each word. He'd always loved Meredith's voice especially her moans. But he'd never hear her again and he should accept that.

"Derek." She repeated yet again out of annoyance. She obviously wanted him to respond but all he wanted to do was block her out. He wanted to block the whole world out, everything and everyone except Meredith. He wanted to see her again, feel her again, be able to taste her again.

"Derek, you have to talk about this." She shrieked in her high-pitched squeaky voice. All he wanted was for her to disappear. For her to disappear and for his Meredith and his unborn child to return and then everything could go back to they were before. And maybe this time her could do it right. He could talk to her. Tell her how her felt. Except he couldn't and he wouldn't, he'd have kept this pent up frustration and sadness inside himself until he did something stupid like sleep with Addison. And continue doing it, even knowing that it was hurting the ones he held so dearly to his heart. He wanted so badly to go back and have the courage to confront the problem instead of running, instead of avoiding, instead of not talking.

He could hear her tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for him to say something. He was getting annoyed. Annoyed of her, annoyed of being in the same damn situation where either way he was screwed.

"What do you want Addison?!" He yelled, his head stayed down. He couldn't look at her, it made him sick. How could he have chosen that over Meredith? What had he been thinking? Why had he hesitated?

He could feel her surprise and then her sorrow. He knew she could feel it, his resentment, his hatred towards her. He was blaming her for everything. He knew it wasn't fair but it was what he did. He would put the fault to another and then bolt. Out of sight, out of mind. That was his philosophy. That was what he did. And right now, he wished Addison could go out of sight, so she would be out of mind.

"I…I'm sorry…" He heard her mutter. This only fueled his anger. Sorry?! Ha. Addison feeling any compassion was rare. She was like a robot most of the time. Nothing got to her. Nothing except dark-haired, blue-eyed neurosurgeons. He knew this. He had taken advantage. But he was sorry. He was genuinely sorry. Not the fake sorry bullshit to try to get some brownie points. She was probably going to ask him to reconsider breaking up now. But what she didn't know was that in his heart, he'd never been with her. She'd always been just a consistent one night stand to him. A one night stand that would he would fuck senseless until he forgot about his problems. To Addison, it may have been more. But to him, it had always been meaningless sex.

"Don't be. Just go away." He heard himself say. He knew that the waterworks were coming. That the tears were probably filling her eyes now, threatening to fall. The thing was he didn't care. He didn't care how she felt. He couldn't care less.

He can hear her sniffling. She got up and left. Without a word. He'd been harsh, but she needed that. She needed to know that they could never be, that they never was.

Sitting there while the rain maintained a steady rhythm as it hit his head, he felt lost, confused, but most of all alive. Because for the first time in a long time, it all became clear. He needed to win Meredith back. He needed her to live, to survive. And not having her, it was not an option.

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_A/N: I made this update extra long since alot of you have been asking for longer updates. Thanks for everyone that reviewed! So back to the story, so it's pretty obvious what Derek thinks of Addison. At least now you know that their affair was definitely not about love, it was anything but. It was more about Derek feeling like her was needed, to know that he still had it. Because no matter how he tried, Meredith had a wall. And for a while, he tried to get past that, try to break it down, but he couldn't so he gave up. And now he's kind of sitting on this bench contemplating his next move. It was very interesting writing out of Derek's perspective because you kind of feel sorry for the guy. I mean, his wife and his first child leaves him. That's gotta be tough. So in the end of the update, he finally decides that what he wants is Meredith and that he is going to win her back. To see what happens you'll just have to stay tuned! ;) **PLEASE REVIEW!!!!** _


	9. Chapter 8

Airports. Meredith hated them. She hated the smell of them, she hated the feeling of them. But most of all she hated the people in them. All of them were either smiling or crying. There was the happy mother, the tearful wife. And then there was her, sitting in the terminal waiting for the plane in paper-thin patient outfit with a brown jacket.

Right now, she hated all of them. With their tears of joy and their hugs. She hated the girlfriend as she jumped into the arms of her boyfriend. She hated the husband and the wife who were making out right in front of her. She especially hated when the little girls hugged their moms so tightly around the neck and kissed them on the cheek. Knowing she could've had that made her even more depressed.

She checked her watch. 7:05. 25 more minutes. She sat there staring at the many people surrounding her. They never noticed, too engulfed in their own little world to notice a strange woman boring her eyes into their affairs.

"You know, it's not nice to look at people!" She heard a little voice scold.

She turned and saw that the seat next to her had been occupied by a pint-sized little girl. She had dark brown hair, tied up into two pigtails and striking green eyes. She wore a pink dress and swung her little legs to and fro as she sat impatiently in the seat.

"You know you shouldn't talk to strangers." Meredith said. The little girl shrugged and started playing with her ponytails.

"What's your name?" She asked suddenly, turning to Meredith.

"Um…Meredith." She heard herself saying. No use in lying.

"Well my name's Madison. Madison Sophia Thompson." She said confidently, offering her hand to Meredith.

"Nice to meet you, Madison." Meredith said politely, faking a smile. The name leaving her a bitter taste in her mouth as she remembered the events, remembered the person who had caused it all, who had sabotaged her marriage.

"Why are you so sad?" Madison asked innocently. She looked up at Meredith, her hand slightly tilted as her forehead wrinkled in concern.

"I'm not sad." Meredith stated, giving Madison another one of her fake smiles. Madison put her hands on her hips and turned towards Meredith.

"My daddy says that lying is really bad, ya know!" She scolded, taking one hand off of her hips, pointed at Meredith and shook it.

"I'm not lying!" Meredith insisted. She looked at the cute little girl who was now shaking her head at her.

"Ya know, the first step is admitting you have a problem." Madison said wisely as Meredith's eyes widened in shock.

"How do you know that?!" Meredith asked, shocked. The girl couldn't be older than 7!

"I went to meetings with my dad sometimes. He'd go in first and then I'd sneak in. And the lady always said, 'The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.'" She said in her best grownup voice. Meredith laughed at the little girls antics.

"How do you even know what that means?" Meredith asked, curiously.

"Ya know, I'm almost 6! I know how to read! And know things already!" Madison said proudly.

"A smart little girl once told me that lying is really bad." Meredith said, smiling.

"Fine, my daddy told me. He said that it meant that by saying you are sad, it will make you happy! So all you have to do is say that your sad! Then all of the frowning will go away!" Madison exclaimed, jumping up and down the seat excitedly. Meredith smiled at the energetic little girl.

"Well, you're daddy's a wise man." Meredith said.

"Yeah, that's what I told the lady too. I said daddy's real smart and really wayse, but she said that I shouldn't hafta sneak into meetings. She said that those meetings were bad and that I should go live with my daddy's mommy and leave daddy alone. I tried to say that I don't wanna but she said it was an unable enronment for me." Madison said sadly, stumbling through her words.

"You mean unstable environment? That's what the lady told you?" Meredith corrected. Madison nodded her head slightly as she back down in her seat, no longer energetic.

"Oh come on, now you're making me sad!" Meredith said, trying to cheer the little girl up. Madison looked up at her with tears in her eyes. Meredith's heart went out for the poor girl as she hugged Madison tightly, Madison holding onto Meredith's neck tightly.

"I miss him." Madison cried. Meredith couldn't help but cry too.

"I bet he misses you too." Meredith soothed.

"But I miss him more." Madison rebutted.

"That may be true but I'm sure he misses you a whole lot also."

"I wish I was with my mommy and daddy." Madison's voice was muffled as she buried her head into the crook of Meredith's neck.

"What happened to your mommy?" Meredith asked.

"Mommy went on vacation forever. Daddy said that she went to Antarctica because it was just like her heart. Daddy's silly." Madison giggled through her tears.

"I bet he is. So your mommy left you with your daddy?"

"My mommy told me that she was very sorry for not being strong and that she had to leave because she wasn't strong enough. But I told her that if she can pick me up, she's already stronger than me!" Madison said.

"Madison, it's time to go." A woman with her red hair said. Her hair was tied tightly into a bun and her lips pierced into a forced smile as she saw the scene before her, disapproval showed in her eyes.

"No! I want to stay with Meredith!" Madison said, burying her head deeper into Meredith's neck.

"Madison, let's leave the nice lady alone. Don't you want to see your grandma?" The lady said, faking cheerfulness. She gave Meredith an apologetic smile when Madison made no indication that she was moving.

"Madison, how about I give you my phone number and you can call me whenever you want?" Meredith offered. Madison lifting her head up to meet Meredith's eyes.

"Okay." Madison said defeated. Meredith got a pen from her purse and wrote down her number on Madison's arm.

"Goodbye, Madison." Meredith waved goodbye to the little girl.

"Goodbye, Meredith! Don't be sad anymore, kay?" The sweet little girl gave Meredith a kiss on the cheek before taking the hand that was offered by the woman. Meredith waved goodbye until Madison was out of her sight. Then she sighed as she thought about the poor little girl.

She checked her watch again. 7:25. 5 more minutes. She thought about Madison and then about her own baby. She put her hand protectively around her belly. She didn't want her baby to end up like Madison, with no one to turn to, no mommy or daddy to tuck in at night. Meredith's eyes welled with tears as she remembered Madison's words. [I mommy told me she was very sorry for not being strong enough[/I. What if she wasn't strong enough either? Was it fair to deprive the baby of its own father?

[INow boarding plane 4539 to New York[/I

She saw as the gate opened and the people slowly stood up from the terminal to give their ticket to the attendant before they disappeared down the long hallway. Meredith sat there as she watched. She looked at the ticket that was in her hand. Leaving Seattle would be leaving Derek, leaving the only family she ever knew. Derek. It was over between them. But that didn't mean that he couldn't be in their baby's life, right? Was running away really the best way?

The line that had formed was getting shorter, and shorter yet, until there was only one more person. She looked at the ticket in her hand. Should she stay? Or should she leave? She slowly stood up, holding the ticket firmly in her hand.

* * *

A/N: So the last update, Derek decides to go after Meredith, win her back. This update, after meeting Madison, she finds that maybe raising a kid by herself isn't going to be as easy as she thought. I mean, she never thought it was going to be easy but now she sees the repercussions of what had happened to Madison and she doesn't want that to happen to her kid. So she is doubting herself, the plane is about to take off, she stands up to...What will she do?! REVIEW and you with find out soon enough! PLEASE REVIEW!!!! 


	10. Chapter 9

He stood in front of the doorway, the outside of the house was brightly lit with Christmas lights and a giant inflatable snow globe. One arm was occupied by a rather large present that was wrapped disastrously by himself while the other held a bag filled with neatly wrapped presents that the store had offered to wrap. He took a deep breath as he heard the shuffling on the other side of the door, preparing himself for the inevitable interrogation on the absence of his wife. The door opened slightly as a small ray of light shone brightly in the otherwise dark night. A pair of blue eyes appeared staring Derek straight in the eye.

"Hey, Jake. How 'bout you let me in? I'll give you you're present!" Derek said excitedly waving the big bag of presents in front of the little toddler, but instead of being overjoyed like any other 5 year old would be in the sight of presents. Jacob Matthew Black slammed the door in the face of his uncle. Derek jumped back in surprise as the door slammed shut. Two seconds later, the door opened yet again this time a set of hazel eyes stared back at Derek.

"Em, don't you want you're present? If so let Uncle Derek in, please?" Derek pleaded. He felt slightly embarrassed to be begging a 10 year old. Emma Anne Kronski opened the door a peek more to see if Derek would make good of the bribery. He put the bag a little higher so that the 10 year old could see. She contemplated it for a moment before slamming the door in Derek's face.

Derek stood outside a while longer before the door opened yet again. Relief washed over Derek as he saw that this time, the pair of blue eyes belonged to an adult. Surely his own mother would open the door to let him in.

"Hey, mom! Can you please let me in? Me hands are full as you can see." Derek said trying to push his way in, but the short old woman held the door steady, refusing to let it open even the slightest inch more. Her eyes glared at Derek's as Derek looked sheepishly back at her.

"What? No sending your wife to do the dirty work this year? Finally giving her a break? God knows that poor girl deserves one!" Eleanor Shepard yelled at her son. Derek's eyes dropped to the ground, now afraid to look his mother in the eye. Eleanor opened the door just enough to let her get out and closed the door, leaving her and Derek outside.

"Mom, I know what you're going to say, I've just been sort of busy!" Derek reasoned as his mother put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

"You've missed Thanksgivings, Christmases, Birthdays, New Years. It's been 5 years since you've even set foot in New York, Derek! The whole family misses you! Where have you been?! Sending you're wife to do you're dirty work! That poor girl! I still remember that first year she came to New York for Thanksgiving without you! You're sisters were like vultures, picking at her, interrogating her, I give her props for even making it through the turkey! Where have you been, Derek?!" Eleanor yelled. Her son hung his head down in shame. He looked up at her with tears in his eyes.

"She left, mom. I hesitated and she left." Derek said as the tears streamed down. He set the presents on the wet snow as he sat down, putting his face in his hands.

"Oh, honey…" She soothed as she rubbed his back.

"What do I do? Mom? Where do I go from here?" He asked.

"Well, fight for her. If you love her, you'll fight."

"But she's gone. I don't know…she just left and I don't know where to."

"If you love her enough, you'll find a way to get back to her. If there's a will, then there's a way."

"But, what if she's already met someone? Someone who can give her everything that I can't?"

"Derek, she was the best thing that ever happened to you. Don't let that go just because of what if's."

"I just…She hates me. Maybe it's just not meant to be."

"Did you love her?" She asked.

"Yeah." Derek whispered softly.

"Derek, did you love her? Now look me straight in the eye and tell me you love her."

"I love her." Derek stated looking his mother straight in the eye.

"Then go get her." She said to her son.

"Right now?"

"Derek, do you want you're wife or not?"

"But what about missing Christmas?" Derek asked.

"I know that you have good intentions coming here Derek, but to tell you the truth, your sisters are infuriated with you. And they're the ones making dinner right now. So although I may love you enough not to come out here and stab you in the thigh with a knife, they on the other hand may just do so. So I would highly advise you to come back later, when all the sharp utensils are put away." She said as her son looked at her in horror.

"I think I'd better come back later." Derek said climbing up.

"Smart boy!"

* * *

A/N: Yes, Meredith left. Well she left Derek at least...I will not say whether or not she went on that flight but she did not go back to Derek. As for the whole Mrs. Shepard and Meredith thing, Derek has kind of been sending Meredith to the holiday things for his family while he stayed behind 'working'. Eleanor is encouraging Derek to go find Meredith and if you kind of see, she's not really surprised, because she knew that this was a long time coming, but she didn't say anything because well it wasn't her place. And this was something that Derek needed to figure out on his own. In the end, Eleanor tells Derek that he needs to fight for her, find her. She doesn't know about the pregnancy or the McSex with the McEx but she does know that Meredith was the best thing that has ever happened to Derek. Also, the slamming of the doors was more of a way of showing how hated Derek is right now in his family. So much so that even his 5 year old nephew isn't tricked by his bribery!

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!


	11. Chapter 10

It's been 2 hours. 2 hours since calling virtually all their mutual friends. None of which helped. He was stuck. Stuck in this place where he could neither move forward nor backward. Just stuck. He walked along the cold streets of New York as he passed by a brightly lit ice cream store. He looked inside, the inhabitants seemed few, most of them looked sad, just like him, he could only imagine what life obstacles had driven them to the companionship of the lone shop.

He found himself drawn to the shop, going inside waiting to be seated. Finally the waitress pointed him to a corner table, giving him a menu before running off to tend to other customers. He glanced at the menu deciding on the coffee toffee fudge. He looked out the side window into the streets which were virtually empty, most people nestled at home sitting in front of their fireplaces with their families while he wasted his Christmas sitting in an ice cream shop, searching for his wife who had unofficially left him.

He looked at his cellphone, staring at it. He had missed someone. He hadn't called him. He knew that he did not want to hear from him, his former best friend, the man that sought revenge by sleeping with his supposed love. Mark. She'd seek refuge at Mark's. Why wouldn't she? They were going through the same things, were they not? Both had been cheated on. Both are at crossroads. He was tempted to pick up his cellphone and call Mark, ask him where his wife was. Demand an answer. But he knew, he didn't deserve one. He didn't deserve to know where his wife was. He deserved sitting in a tiny ice cream shop waiting for his ice cream while his only companions are the other lonely people within the premises.

He wanted to go home, to his family. But he knew that he shouldn't. He felt like an outsider, like he was imposing. It seemed outrageous but after years of not spending time with them, he'd found that the changes had made him unaware of new traditions, traditions that only Meredith knew, ones that she'd shared with his family.

The waitress made her way to him with his sundae which was dripping over the sides, placing it in front of him before running off to greet a customer that had just barely arrived, no doubt a lonely one, Derek thought to himself. He didn't have to look to know that the person was alone. Everyone who entered the tiny shop was alone.

He stabbed his ice cream before licking his spoon. A blend of bitterness and sweetness overwhelmed him. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, not good. He turned trying to beckon the waitress over when he noticed something that caught his eye. Honey blonde hair. Just like Meredith's. He took a deep breath as he smelt the faint scent of lavender. He was sure he was hallucinating, surely he couldn't be this lucky. The woman in question wore a beige trench coat and black pants. She had a hat on with gloves and a scarf. He could not identify if those articles of clothing were his wife's as he had stopped paying attention to her long ago. He found himself wishing that he had paid closer attention, been more attentive.

He stood up, deciding that it was better to try and be humiliated than to lose the chance of a lifetime. He approached the woman, sitting alone, eating a strawberry sundae. Her gloves were now on the table, along with her scarf. He tapped her shoulder lightly as she turned.

"Derek?!"

* * *

A/N: I didn't really like this update...I kept rewriting it but it still turned out crappy :( But so yeah, now Derek is sitting in an ice cream shop wallowing in self-pity. As for the woman...you'll just have to wait to see... PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!! 


	12. Chapter 11

"Derek?!" She gasped as she turned to face him. Derek's face dropped in disappointment as he heard the familiar voice, Allison. She was Mark's younger sister. Only a few years younger, she'd graduated medical school and now was a fellow at Plansboro Teaching Hospital working under Dr. Gregory House.

"Hey, Allison." He greeted her as she offered him the seat next to her. He sat down as he studied her. From afar she resembled Meredith a lot, but close-up you could definitely tell the difference. He felt stupid for even mistaking her for his wife.

"I'm actually meeting your wife here. Did she tell you to meet up with her here too?" Allison asked. As she looked at her watch, she scowled.

"Late as usual." She said with a certain playful disdain. She looked up at Derek and gave him a smile.

"So your wife should be here in a few, but in the meantime…How's it going, Shep?" She asked, trying to strike up conversation. But Derek wasn't in the mood to talk. He was too excited. Meredith was going to be here. In the same room as him. He couldn't believe his luck!

"Oh, uh, it's fine. Everything is just peachy. You know, you should probably call Mer, just to check if everything is alright." He suggested. His eyes were trained on the entrance of the restaurant, the clear glass allowing him to see the people that passed by or walked up.

"Why don't you do it?" She asked, rather annoyed. That was the thing about Allison. She hated being bossed around. She hated being told what to do, how to think. It's a good thing she was working under House!(A/N:ßThat is said in a sarcastic tone!)

"I, uh, don't have my phone. Please? Just to see if everything is alright, because she was supposed to be here 30 minutes ago." Derek bluffed. Truthfully, he didn't know how many minutes ago, Meredith was supposed to arrive because he hadn't even known that she was going to be here.

"Oh, she's here!" Allison yells as she runs up to Meredith who was also wearing a brown trench coat with a thick sweater and tight jeans. Her neck was wrapped with a black scarf and her hands were encased with black gloves. She looked stiff looking as Allison bombarded her. She smiled in return as Allison let go.

"It's been so long!" Allison squealed. As she began to jabber away, but Meredith was no longer focused on Allison and her fast moving mouth, instead her gaze was on the tall, dark-haired man, several feet in front of her. Wearing a thick navy turtleneck and some blue jeans with a leather jacket, Derek slowly walked up to her.

"I've finally found you." He whispered into her ear as he hugged her still-shocked figure.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for not updating in like forever! I was so swamped with everything, you'd think that during the holidays you wouldn't be as busy but to the contrary, I've been busier! Argh anyways back to the update...So I had you guys going there for a while didn't I? Well anyways, Derek finds Meredith, finally. And I guess that was about it...Oh and you meet Allison, this character is a kind of shout out for fellow House fans! Anyways, hope you guys liked the update and PLEASE REVIEW!!! 


	13. Chapter 12

-1"What are you doing here, Derek?" She asked behind gritted teeth. As much as she despised Derek, she was refraining from hurting him just because of the fact that no one knew yet. No one had even heard about their less than amicable split. Well, no one except Mark and she wanted to keep it that way.

"Didn't you tell him to meet you here?" Allison asked, confused by her strange question.

Meredith glared at Derek as he looked at her apologetically. The message in her eyes were clear even after years of estrangement: I will kill you.

"Oh yeah, it must of slipped my mind." She covered saying each word slowly, emphasizing each word with an angry undertone that only Derek heard. She could feel her hands roll into balls unconsciously as Derek mouthed 'I'm sorry.' to her.

"Come on, let's sit!" Allison suggested, pushing Meredith to the seat next to Derek's.

"So…How have you two lovebirds been?" Allison asked, tilting her head to the side.

Meredith's fists tightened at Allison's question, her fingernails now to the point where it would break the skin. Derek saw this and under the table, tried to loosen her grip. This resulted in a slap on the hand. A hard, loud slap on the hand.

"Ow!" He yelled pulling his hand back. He rubbed the now red patch of skin, blowing on it to relieve the pain while glaring at Meredith who was also glaring back.

"Not so good?" Allison guessed, answering her own question. Meredith shot a glare in Allison's direction before returning to trying to kill Derek with her glares.

"Hostile. Very hostile environment. Making me feel extremely uncomfortable." Allison said in short, concise sentences. She could literally feel the tension in the air as the two of them continued to glare at one another.

"Not. My. Fault." Derek said in short fragmented sentences, pausing in between words. Meredith scoffed.

"Oh, so now it's my fault? If I remember correctly, I wasn't the one who hesitated." She shot back, her voice raised a little louder than his.

"I'm sorry for that! But a person should be entitled to have time to contemplate what they are doing!" Derek rebutted, raising his voice even louder. He was standing now, his hand crossed in front of his chest. Everyone in the restaurant turned, staring at him.

"Entitled to contemplation?! That wasn't something you should need to contemplate about!" Meredith yelled louder. She too standing up, her hands glued to her side. All heads in the restaurant now turned to her.

"I said I would try!" Derek shouted. Everyone's attention turned to him now. His arms were now tightly crossed in front of his chest. Allison looked at both of them, burying her face in his hands. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for not updating in like forever guys! My internet was down for my laptop where I usually have my updates! So this update was less than ideal as a reunion but I think this will be a good start off. I mean think of it this way, at least Meredith didn't run away like she usually does! Well, I'll try to get the next update up as soon as possible! _ _In the meantime, _**_PLEASE REVIEW!!_**


	14. Chapter 13

"I can't believe you got us kicked out!" Meredith muttered under her breath. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest tightly as she slowly made contact with the cool New York air outside.

"Oh, this is my fault too?! Unbelievable! Un-fucking-believable!" Derek yelled raising his hands up for dramatic effect. He could feel her eyes burning two holes in his leather jacket.

"I can't believe you two! What the hell was that?! I'm banned! Banned! From my favorite ice cream shop! What the hell is going on with you two?!" Now it was Allison's turn to be mad. She not only had to spend half an hour watching her two best friends bicker, but as a result of the bickering, she was now no longer welcome at the little ice cream shop. She didn't understand what they could possibly being yelling at each other about! Pregnant, married couples were supposed to be happy, elated even. But somehow, in this stupid, twist of fate, not only were they not happy. They hated each other's guts, or so it seemed…

"I'm sorry, Allison." Meredith said sincerely. She truly was sorry about the whole banning incident. God knows Allison was probably embarrassed out of her wits sitting there watching the two of them have a screaming match. She didn't even know how it had all turned out this way. One minute she was supposed to meet her best friend for some delicious strawberry ice cream at Serendipity and the next minute she was having a screaming match with her husband. Well, technically ex-husband. Or at least, soon-to-be-ex-husband…

"No, no, no…No way are you getting out of this that easy. Sorry is not going to cut it. You are totally going to tell me what that was in there." Allison said as she walked in-between the pair, acting as a barrier of sorts as they shot daggers at each other.

"I-"

"Nothing. It's nothing. Derek and I just got into a little fight about…classes. Um…father-to-be classes. I wanted him to take it. And he said he would contemplate it. And then I got mad when he said he was just going to 'try'." Meredith explained quickly, putting air quotes around the word try. She bit her lips, hoping Allison would not catch on. She had never been the best liar, she had always been caught. She just prayed to God that Allison would accept the excuse and move on.

Derek looked confused as he mouthed the words 'father-to-be classes?' to Meredith. Meredith giggled, seeing Derek's confused reaction.

"Father-to-be classes? Seriously? Do you take me for an idiot? You guys so were not arguing about that." Allison said, easily catching Meredith's lie. Allison had known her best friend for years and she knew that when Meredith lies, she always bit her bottom lip. It was her tell. It made Allison smile remembering times when Meredith had planned surprise parties for her only to be foiled by that lip-biting. Of course, Allison never told her that she'd known of the party all along, or brought it to her knowledge of that very helpful habit. She liked to think of it as an advantage over her best friend.

"What? What are you talking about? Of course that's what it is!" Meredith lied, biting her bottom lip harder.

"Oh god! You bit your lip! We're screwed!" Derek exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. Meredith had never been a good liar. In fact, she was a horrible liar. He had always used it to his advantage. It was the lip-biting that gave her away. The soft biting of the bottom lip. He'd never told her, it was nice knowing about surprise parties ahead of time, or what she was going to plan for their anniversary. But now, the lip-biting was definitely turning out to be a disadvantage. Obviously Allison knew of the tall tell sign. Him and her used to secretly laugh about Meredith's inability to lie.

"What are you talking about?!" Meredith asked. She seemed out of the loop as both Allison and Derek began to burst out in laughter. Surely they were going insane! Muttering about lip-biting…

"You…are…a…horrible…liar!" Allison shouted between fits of laughter. Allison could remember the good ole days when Derek and her would laugh about Meredith's flaws. And the lip-biting was usually a primary topic of discussion. They all knew that if they needed to keep something a secret, they should NEVER tell Meredith. Although she did not directly give them away, it was the lip-biting that did them in.

"It's true, honey. You bite your lips every time you lie. Personally I find it adorable." Derek chuckled as Meredith scowled at his comments.

"I hate you both!" Meredith yelled, frustrated. Crossing her arm tighter in front of her chest, walking faster, hoping to get away.

"Hey, you're not getting away that easily! You are going to tell me why I'm banned from my favorite ice cream shop and you're going to tell me now!" Allison demanded as she caught up to Meredith who was now looking guiltily at Derek.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry for taking so long to have this up...Just that this site went all crazy on me and wouldn't let me update! So now...Allison will find out? Or will she? Will Meredith lie again? (Lamely I might add) Or will she finally confess the truth? But what exactly is the truth? Ahhh...So many questions...Want them answered? Just **REVIEW!!!!!**_****


	15. Chapter 14

"Allison…We've been having some problems…" Derek began awkwardly as he shoved his hands into his jean pockets as they walked along the sidewalk toward Central Park.

"What kind of problems?" Allison asked curiously.

"Marital ones, Allison. Serious marital ones." Meredith answered, looking down at her feet as they walked.

"How serious?" Allison asked.

"Like I already filed for divorce serious." Meredith whispered sadly. She could feel the tears coming as she continued looking at her feet. She could feel Allison's eyes on her, no doubt eyes filled with sympathy, pity. Same as Mark's. She hated it. She hated wallowing in self-pity, or worst wallowing in other people's pity. She didn't want to feel sad anymore. She didn't want the pity. She just wanted to move on.

"Mer…" Allison began. She put her hand on Meredith's back, pulling her in for a hug.

"No, it'll be okay." Meredith said optimistically.

"What about the baby?" Allison asked as they continued along the path.

"We're going to take care of it together." Derek said, finding his voice. It pained him to see Meredith so broken. It hurt him even more knowing that he had caused this. What had happened to his plan on fighting for her? Winning her back? This was not the way to do it. What was he doing? Instead of increasing his chances, he'd been ruining them. But this was his chance. Right now.

"So this is it? The golden couple is no more?" Allison asked, hoping to make light of the situation. She felt bad for the both of them, they were both obviously hurting. She didn't understand what would prompt them to separate so suddenly.

"Yeah." "No!" Meredith and Derek said simultaneously. Now it was Meredith's turn to look at Derek in confusion. Had they not agree to a divorce? Or was that part of a sick twisted dream that she was still in?

"Um…Ok…ay…" Allison giggled. Obviously their split had not been very well thought out. She couldn't help laughing at how ridiculous it all seemed, Meredith and Derek splitting. It's like pizza without cheese! She could never see them apart.

"Derek is being stupid. Yes, we are getting a divorce." Meredith clarified. She didn't know what exactly had gotten into Derek but lying now would be no use since they had already told Allison about their problems.

"Yeah, about that Mer…I was thinking…" Derek began awkwardly. He raised his head to face Meredith, giving her a soft smile.

"You've been thinking? Oph, that's not good…" Allison remarked giggling, receiving a glare from Derek.

"What, Derek? What have you been thinking?" Meredith asked. She knew this was not good. By the look he was giving her, this was not good. She only hoped what he was going to say would not cause another eruption of anger from her. She didn't want another screaming match. She was too tired. But she knew that she would not be able to control herself. She blamed the raging hormones.

"Um…" Derek began awkwardly as he looked at Allison. He had planned to do this alone. With Meredith. He had never planned for a third party.

Allison seemed to take the message and she slowed her walking to a halt.

"What's wrong, Al?" Meredith asked obviously oblivious of the exchange of looks going between her husband and her best friend.

"Um…I forgot that I was supposed to meet someone!" Allison began, looking at her watch.

"Crap, I'm late. Lunch tomorrow?" Allison asked Meredith before running off.

"Ok…ay…That was weird…" Meredith said as she watched Allison's fast retreating figure. She turned back to Derek who was running his hands through his dark curls nervously.

"What? What is it?"

"Huh? What?" Derek asked, breaking out of his trance. He was practicing. Inside his head, he'd been practicing.

"You're nervous about something. Just say it." Meredith said as she continued walking.

"Um…I…Let's sit?" Derek asked as he saw a bench near the park. Sitting down and patting the seat next to him for her to sit. She sat looking at him expectantly.

"So, I…we were rash and we weren't really thinking were we? I mean, about the consequences of our divorce?" Derek began nervously.

"Consequences? What consequences?" Meredith asked, confused. What was he talking about?

"Well, my mom would be devastated. And then we would have to tell all our friends. We'd have to go to the lawyers and split up our estate. It just doesn't seem worth the energy…" Derek said, looking down at his fingers which were on his lap.

"What? You think our divorce is a waste of time? I thought you wanted this? If you're busy, I could do it myself. I'll just call a few people, I'm sure it'll spread like wildfire, I mean it is a very juicy piece of gossip. And the lawyers…I'll take care of that. All you'd have to do is sign it." Meredith assured him. She didn't seem to understand what he was getting at.

"No, it's not about that, it's…just…more than that." Derek stumbled trying to find the right words. Obviously she was not getting it. It had been a while since he'd have to do this, it seemed easier before.

"More? What more? I'm sure I could take care of it." Meredith said.

"Can you make me want stop loving you? Can you make me want this divorce? Because I sure as hell can't. I can't stay away! I can't lose you! I just…I can't." Derek yelled out of frustration. His eyes connected with her now tear-filled ones. His eyes filled with tears as he watched her, surprised.

He tilted his head slightly, watching her. Then he could feel himself lean forward ever so slightly, slowly, inch by inch. She began to lean into him, until finally their lips collided. Softly, he moved his lips with hers. And then suddenly she stiffened, she pulled away as memories of that night flashed through her mind. Her eyes welled as she got up and walked away.

"I…can't. The papers. I'll get my lawyers to give them to you." She whispered softly before turning away, closing her eyes as a single tear fell from the corner of her eye.

* * *

_A/N: So I've been getting some reviews asking why Meredith isn't as scorned as she should be, but here's the thing about Meredith: She likes to avoid. And before when she was with Derek, she was avoiding. She was pretending it never happened because it hurts her just thinking about it, so what does she do? Block it out. But at the end, when the kiss, I think she finally realizes that she can't avoid it. Because just kissing him brings back the memories, and she just needs time to accept what has happened. So yeah...That's why the last chapter was so light-hearted. She was kind of pretending it didn't happen. But now, she's going to have to face the problem and it's going to take time. And Derek? He'll have to wait. Sorry about the rambling...But hope I explained that right..:P So hope you like it_

_ Opinions? Feedback? Criticisms? Anything questions? Well then, press that little blue button and **REVIEW**!!! _


	16. Chapter 15

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Grey's Anatomy..._

She could feel the tears coming now as she broke out into a run. Her breathe was rapid when she arrived at her apartment. She gasped for air as she collapsed on the bright red couch, tears now flowing freely. She looked up at the off-white ceiling, trying to regain her breath as she felt her heart beat at a rapid speed.

_Breath in. Breath out. _she instructed herself as her breath slowly returned to a steady pace. She felt her heart slowing as well as her breathing finally returned to normal. The tears were still flowing down her eyes, falling on the couch as she sat up in fetal position with her knees touching her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs as she rested her head on top of her knees, now staring at the small television that was currently off.

She could hear the shuffling of feet, up the stairs and a soft knocking on the wooden door. Soft cries of 'Meredith! Open up!' soon followed as she held her legs to her chest tightly. No doubt Allison had told him where to find her. And now he was standing on her doorstep, pounding on her apartment door in New York. It was almost poetic. Like a sad twist of fate. Oh, how irony just loves to kick our asses. He'd come to Seattle to escape New York and escape his cheating spouse while she'd come to New York to do the same. Karma's a bitch. She thought.

The insistent pounding had stopped, but the obnoxious shouting had not. Instead it had grown louder as she shielded her ears with two big fluffy yellow pillows. Finally the yelling had stopped, now only an impatient tapping of feet could be heard from the inside of the apartment. She was starting to get annoyed, although she had to admit that it was nice to know he was standing outside, surely looking like an idiot. No doubt with his arms crossed over his chest while impatiently tapping his foot. She almost let out a giggle at the thought, but soon thought better of it.

Finally after several incredibly long excruciating hours of foot tapping, she finally heard a shuffling of feet down the stairs indicating his departure. She sighed in relief as she made her way into the bedroom, hoping sleep would come. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw it, saw them. She could see his hands on either side of her face, pulling her in as his lips moved with hers. Her hands running through his dark curls as she moaned in pleasure. She opened her eyes, tears welling. She could feel the pain, the horrible stinging in her chest. It physically hurt just thinking about it. But she had thought she'd gotten past this, gotten past them. She'd thought she'd finally moved on. Had she not? Of course not. She'd avoided everything. She hadn't faced this and now it'd come to bite her in the ass. Because now every time she looked at him, she saw them. She saw that night and it replayed over and over in her head.

With her eyes wide open, she turned to look at the ceiling which had a sort of midnight blue quality to it because of the darkness. How was she going to move on? She'd thought New York would be the solution, but had it really resolved anything? It had been more of a distraction, something that blocked out the incident. But it was still there, hanging over her, taunting her. She had to face it. She had to admit it. She had to accept that her husband had cheated on her.

She had gone on all these days, avoiding. She hadn't accepted the idea that she had been cheated on. That Derek, McDreamy Derek, cheated on her. It had always just been something that happened, something that she never dealt with, it had never sunk in. But tonight, when her lips met his. She could feel the reality of it weighing down on her. She could feel the hurt and pain wash over her, overwhelming her.

--

He stood in front of her doorstep for hours, tapping his foot impatiently, waiting for her to open the door. He was almost sure she was in there, he could feel it. The faint smell of lavender still lingered in front of the door, the scent bringing back memories of the past, of a happier time.

_ Derek leaned on the side of the doorframe as he slowly watched her get up. She looked so cute, rubbing her eyes softly at him, giving him a soft smile as she opened her eyes. He slowly made his way across the room and onto the bed as he kissed her softly on the lips._

"I love you." He whispered into her ear as he nibbled softly.

"Mmmm…That tickles!" She giggled squirming away.

"Oh, you're not getting away that easily!" He exclaimed as he brought her into his arms, collapsing right on top of her, making her immoveable.

"Stop! Get off! You're squishing me!" She yelled from under him. He simply ignored her pleas as he laid his entire body on top of hers. He was now facing her, his forehead touched hers.

"I don't like you." She whined grumpily, pouting slightly.

"Oh, you love me." He smirked as he captured her lips with his.

"Mmmm, that maybe so, but I also don't like you." She smiled as she bit her lower lip slightly.

"Well then, I don't like you either." He proclaimed.

"Oh really? Fine! Since you don't like me then maybe you should get off me!" She stated, pretending to be angry.

"Oh come on, you know I love you." He amended as he shifted his weight to the side, allowing her to move more freely.

"What do you love?" She asked, looking him in the eyes.

"Everything. I love your feet which are so tiny and so cute." He said as he made his way down to her feet, giving each of her feet a quick peck.

"Your legs." He said as he moved higher up, running his tongue around either one.

"Your stomach." He whispered lifting up her shirt and blowing on it softly, giving her chills.

"Your neck." He said, his mouth finding the small crook on her neck and sucking on it. He could hear her breath hitch and a soft moan escape her lips.

"Your lips." He said, capturing her lips with his as they shared a passionate kiss.

"And last but not least, your hair." He whispered, out of breath.

"My hair?" She questioned.

"It smells like…some sort of flower. Anyway, it's very sweet smelling."

"It's lavender. From my conditioner." She stated, before he captured her lips again.

Derek smiled at the memory which seemed so far away. He felt like it was all he had, memories. He found himself wishing for a time machine, something that would transport him back to the past, so that he could tell himself not to cheat, because losing Meredith was the stupidest thing he could've every done.

* * *

_A/N: Okay, I know it's been a while since I last updated! But I've been having a major case of writer's block and on top of that school is kicking my arse! Seriously! In between all the tests and stuff, I haven't had time to write much less get over my writer's block._ _But now after testing season has finally begun to settle, although I have no guarantees I will try really hard to update this fic! I am truly sorry for not updating for this long and I promise that I will try to begin updating regularly! Okay onto the update... Meredith is just really confused right now and she is just trying to take some time to recover from all this, but I think once the dust settles all will be well. Just trust. :) _

_Good, bad, absolutely horrendous? Let me know what you think by pressing the little blue button and **reviewing!!**_


	17. Chapter 16

"Mer, open up! It's Sloan!" Mark called from the other side of the door.

The door cracked open slightly, revealing a disheveled Meredith. Her eyes bloodshot from crying.

"Mark, this really isn't a good time for me…" She began. Mark pushed the door open and barged in.

"How you holding up?" He said, inviting himself in. He sat on the couch, her clothes strewn all over.

"Allison told you?" She gave him a telling look.

"Sorry Mer. No secrets in this house." He grinned.

"I don't know whether to laugh or cry. He says he wants to get back together. He says he loves me." She said, confused.

"Mer, I…I can't say I know Derek as much as I knew him before. But the Derek I knew? He loved you. With all his soul and heart. Every drop of his being. He loved you." Mark looked at her, staring straight into her eyes. He needed to get his point across.

"How can you say that when they cheated on us?" She asked, a look of resentment flashed across her face.

"Even I knew that Derek didn't love Addison. I left because Addison was completely infatuated with Derek. I…I had no chance. But you? Derek has only had eyes for you. And as much as he is an asshole to have cheated. He loved you so much."

"You're not mad? At what he did?" She asked, utterly confused. Mark was on Derek's side? When had this happened?

"He's still a no good son of a bitch. But I did deserve it. I mean, I slept with his wife. I had it coming. But…I don't know."

"You talked to him? On the way here? You talked to him?" She asked, raising her eyebrow slightly. Suddenly everything made sense. Mark looked at her sheepishly.

"I may have bumped into him on my way up here." He replied.

"He's down there? In the cold?" She was slightly worried. It was freezing outside. And he was just standing there, waiting.

"The guy really loves you. I…I could tell, he's sorry, Mer. He's really sorry." Mark told her. His eyes showed her that he was sincere. Mark was forgiving. She just didn't know if she could be so forgiving.

"I just…I don't know if I could go through that again, ya know? Especially with a baby, I just, I'd break. I wouldn't be able to hold." Her eyes filled with tears at just the thought. Her heart felt like it was ripping. The pain was so much. The wound was fresh. She just didn't know if she could handle it.

"You shouldn't be telling me this. Go to him, Mer. Just talk to him." Mark looked at her sympathetically. He pushed her to the door slightly. She nodded, opening the door and making her way down the steps. She saw him, sitting on the sidewalk, head in hands. She sat down next to him.

"Hey." He smiled sadly, looking at her. Her disheveled appearance pained him. He hated making her go through this.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Mer, I…just…"

"Make me understand." She said, firmly.

"I don't…"

"I want to know why. Why Addison? Was I not enough? Or did you love Addison? I want to understand."

"No. It had nothing to do with Addison. I just…you're my wife. We share everything together. Or at least we're supposed to. But…we share nothing. Nothing that really matters. Whenever you have problems, you go to Cristina or Izzie or even George. Never me. When you found out you were an attending, the first one you called was Cristina. I was the last to know. I found out from a scrub nurse during surgery." Derek started, his voice shook, tears filling his eyes.

"But…" Meredith interrupted.

"I know…Cristina's your best friend. I know that. That's why I don't blame you. I just…I wish I was a part of your life. I wished so hard for you to share something with me. Something that was important. I wanted to mean something to you. If I were to disappear, I want you to notice, I want it to make a difference. And…I just…I felt so useless." Derek looked down. Tears running down his cheeks. She brought her hand to his face, whipping the tears away.

"Derek, I…I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?" She was at a loss for words.

"Because it was my fault. I hurt you. So badly. I didn't deserve to be in your life. But somehow, despite all of that, you took me back. And I thank god everyday for it. But I just…I needed to feel wanted. And Addison? She wanted me. And…It's no excuse. I know. But I just…I gave up trying. At some point I stopped asking about your day. At some point I stopped asking what was bothering you. I got lazy. I got tired of always being second best to your friends. I just…I'm so sorry." He put his head in his hands, openly sobbing now.

"You got to tired to fight." She added softly, understanding now. She put his head on her shoulder, putting her arms around his neck, pulling him in close. She still wasn't ready to forgive him yet. But this was a start.

* * *

_A/N: It's been a while. A LONG while. A year to be exact. In this year, I've found my love for Grey's Anatomy slowly fading away. I don't know if I've just matured or the show became too contrived, but I just didn't love Grey's as much as I once did. I haven't updated so long because I lacked inspiration. It's hard to write a story about characters that are now only a ghost of what they used to be. Now the long overdue chapter came only because I felt this urge to write. Some I haven't felt in a while. But anyway, I really hope you enjoy this story. And although I can't guarantee I will update often. I will tell you that I have a feeling my writing juices are beginning to flow again. _

_As for the story, you finally know why Derek did what he did. The WHOLE story. It may feel like a stupid reason but I think Derek kind of has that arrogance in him that would have him always needing to be wanted. Of course, Meredith wouldn't be able to see it. I'm sorry to those who think that Meredith is being too forgiving, but I mean she does love him. And even though he cheated, I think a part of her, subconsciously, knew that their marriage wasn't the happiest. I doubt she was COMPLETELY blind. As for Mark, I think he knows that Derek loves Meredith. And he knows that Derek didn't really do it on purpose. Of all the people, I think Mark can relate best to Derek._

_Please Please REVIEW!!!_


	18. Chapter 17

_Meet me tomorrow night at Central Park. M Derek_

It'd been a week since Derek's confession on the sidewalk and everything couldn't be better. Although she had not forgiven him yet, she was now no longer avoiding him. On the contrary, they'd both decided the best thing to do was to start over. From the beginning, before all the Addison and feeling inadequate, everything.

Now she stood there, smiling at the barely legible handwriting scrawled on a ripped sheet of newspaper. When they were dating, he developed a habit of using random scraps of paper and writing little notes on them. He called it conservation. She still remembered when she received the first of his little 'notes'.

"_Meredith! You're thirty minutes late!" He complained, looking down at his watch. She rolled her eyes._

"_I'm actually only ten minutes late and I couldn't make out if that was an a or a g," she explained, pointing to the messy handwritten note._

"_Okay, acceptable reason. Let's just go," he mutters, taking her hand in his, leading her to the table._

_A tablecloth had been placed atop the park bench. White tea candles were lit, creating a warm glow amid the dark night. Next to the candles sat a large picnic basket, filled to the brim, with a small piece of bread peering out._

_He opened the lid of the basket, taking out the necessary plates and utensils. Then he opened the plastic box of spaghetti dumping it atop her plate. He then pulled out another box of spaghetti and dumped it on his own plate. Lastly, he took out a basket of bread._

_He turned to her apologetically. "I had everything set up before, but then I thought it might get cold, so I put everything back in the basket to keep it warm," he explained. _

_She smiled at him, reaching her hand to touch his cheek. "It's perfect," she assured, giving him a kiss. His face breaks into a smile as he gets situated across from her._

_The soft glow from the candlelight provides the perfect lighting for her face. From across the table, he couldn't help but think about how lucky he was to have her. He smiled as he watched her eat, unaware of his gaze._

"_Derek?" She called, looking up from her food._

"_Hmm?" He answered, still looking at her intently._

"_What does the M stand for in M Derek?" She asked, pointing to the little scrap of paper._

"_Aime. It's love in French," he explained._

"_Oh," she said, continuing to eat her food._

"_Derek?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_I love you too."_

That had been the first time she'd told him she loved him. Perhaps it was the candlelit dinner or his chicken scratch handwriting, but whatever it was, at that moment, she fell in love with him. It'd been the first time she'd ever cared for someone so deeply. Despite being in Central Park in the middle of the night, she had never felt safer.


End file.
